Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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