Farmville is her only friend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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