I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
