I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
