I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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