I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
