Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
