I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
