dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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