she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
