My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
