I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
