oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
