the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
