I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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