Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
