Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
