so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
