No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my poor anus
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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