i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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