once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think people are normalizing furries
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
