do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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