Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
