you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
