Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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