Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
