Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
