I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
BRING THE BAGELS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
