office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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