I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
