I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
