We're like a lot better than the average bears
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
