ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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