I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
