My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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