At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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