I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
