Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
