Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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