Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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