I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
