U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
