wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
