Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
