I seem to have left my pride at pride
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
