my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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