oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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