marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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