I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
