i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
