the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
