my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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